The Deliberate Life

No Regrets

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

Eliminate the Negative to Get Things Done

Tolerations.  In the coaching world, the annoying little problems, unproductive habits, clutter (both physical and mental) and stressful relationships are often referred to as 'tolerations'.  It's the stuff we don't like, but have learned to live with.  They also represent the roadblocks that prevent us from getting things done -- personally and professionally.  If you want to be more productive, focus more on what you really want to do, then you have to take action to get free of your tolerations.

The late Thomas Leonard, one of the leading proponents of the modern day coaching profession and founder of Coachville, offers 'The Top 10 Strategies to Eliminate Tolerations Forever':

One of the most important things to do when you decide it's time in your life to become a TFZ (Toleration-Free Zone) is to develop and implement TFZ Strategies that not only help you reduce your tolerations, but also help new ones from 'appearing.' You don't want to spend the rest of your life chasing down tolerations. The right strategies can help prevent tolerations from cropping up.

This Top 10 List are the strategies I use to keep my tolerations at bay. You'll want to adapt these to fit for your personality and situation, of course, and add new ones that work best for you. But, it's a place to begin your thinking.

1. Outsource your problems.

Personal or business problems, dilemmas or confusion can all be outsourced. By that, I mean that you can hire someone who understands the nature of the problem and help you fix it in relatively short order. So, you'd hire a coach to help get you unstuck, a therapist to help you heal, a consultant to make a recommendation, a bill-paying service to handle the paperwork, a CPA to handle the taxes, a lawyer to solve a legal toleration, a physical to help solve a medical toleration.. Sure, it's not free to outsource your problems, but think of the opportunity cost to you if you keep your tolerations around you -- your creativity is zapped, your energy is drained, you don't feel very good and the best people/opportunities stay clear because they don't like what they see or feel from you.

2. Bring in help.

Most tolerations are caused because we are too busy or tired to take care of things properly when they occur and thus be become a toleration. Bring in a house clearning service, hire a professional organizer to get your papers in order, work with a trainer to handle your body, get someone to babysit you each week if you have to, as you clean up your clutter. Hire the neighborhood kid for gardening, have the store deliver your food for you, have someone 'on call' for concierge duties/errands. It's all do-able IF you're willing to stop suffering.

Note: Part of the process of bringing in help is to establish systems that keep things handled automatically so that you don't have to remember or manage them.

3. Understand the nature and source of tolerations.

Tolerations don't just happen by themselves -- something causes them. YOU do not cause your tolerations -- it's something else, I believe. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take responsibility for your problems or for tolerating, but I'm convinced that tolerations occur due to ignorance, circumstances, evolution gaps, overstimulation from our environments, the need to succeed, etc. Hey, I know all about personal responsibility, but that's not the focus here. It might be helpful to understand that there is a dynamic occuring that is causing most of your tolerations. People so often think they are causing their own tolerations, but I don't think this is very true. We've evolving as individuals and as a society and tolerations are reminders that we've a ways to go in order to adapt to our new environment, called chaos. Over time, we'll all become TFZ's -- it will be a basic lifeskill. But in the meantime, is is the progressive types that have the edge because we can get this skill first.

The Art of the Post

Today I was searching for a couple of books in the local bookstore.  As is typical for me, I'm always finding myself in the business, leadership and management aisles looking for new material.  For some reason I became aware of the numerous books -- some new, some old -- whose title began with, "The Art of . . .".  Just on a whim I conducted a search on Amazon to see how many titles I could find that begin with those three little words.  Here's a short list of my results - "The Art of. . .

Possibility, Public Speaking, War, Seduction, The Start, Happiness, Raising a Puppy, The Deal, Innovation, Pricing, Civilized Conversation, Talk, Looking Sideways, Star Wars, Strategy, Teaching Art to Children, Watching Film, The Handwritten Note, and, of course Leadership.

I wonder -- has everything become an "art".  Don't we just do things anymore without having to raise it to an art form?  Of course this is a dangerous thing for an executive coach or life coach to say.  Then again, maybe it isn't.  We all need a reminder every once in while that life just isn't that difficult.  While those three little words help sell a lot books (and many of them really good books), I truly believe they also induce a lot of stress in our lives.

Later, in doing some writing for my new book, The Art of Common Sense, I ran across the following quote. . .

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
                                                               Confucius

It's time to go play with my dog, George.  He understands Confucius much better than I do and has much to teach me.

Change Before You Have To!

The primary mission of any coach - business, executive, life, spiritual, etc. - is change management, that is assisting clients to achieve better results in their life, business or profession.  Change can often be difficult because that the heart of the process it means we must change our habits on a very personal level in order to permanently, and consistently get the results we want.

Habits are one of the most difficult personal attributes to change.  You'll often hear and read that it can take from 30 to 60 days acquire, change or eliminate a habit.  Jack Canfield begins his book, The Power of Focus, discussing habits.  He writes,

"What fascinating is that after twenty-one to thirty experiences with a new habit, it harder no to do it than to do it.  Before you can change a habit, you need to first check out how long you have owned it.  If you have been doing something repeatedly for thirty years you may not be able to let go of it in a few short weeks.  Acknowledge the fact that a deeply entrenched habit has long roots.  It's like trying to sever a multi-stranded fiber that has molded itself, over time, into a single powerful rope.  It's very hard to break."

Changing habits and getting new results in your life is what The Power of Focus is all about.  Unlike many other personal development books, this book is a very practical, action-oriented guide that can help you eliminate unproductive, even destructive habits and build new ones that will lead to a better result, a better life.